Tuesday, June 18, 2013

December of the Journey - Why Reaching Goal Weight May Not Be Enough

As I approach my 5th anniversary of maintaining goal weight, I've begun to look back on my journey with different eyes. Partly due to perspective from my own growth, and partly - mostly - because of the amazing clients I work with. Folks who are on their own journey of weight loss, who look at my path differently than I have.

Some of them are close to their goals, others are further but well on track, all of them have a perception of what goal weight will mean. I'll be honest. I never dreamed I'd actually hit goal weight. In fact, for a large part of my journey, I wouldn't even set a goal. I drove my trainer nuts with statements like, "I just want to be healthy" or "I just want to shop in the regular side of the stores" or the biggie "I just want to lose the weight". Real definitive, right? But I just couldn't envision success. I didn't believe I could do it.

Reaching that nebulous "goal weight", even though I didn't think I would, meant something to me - it meant arriving at a point where I would be happy with my body - even love it, where I would look in the mirror and see fit and sexy, where I had conquered all my body image issues. I worked hard, I sweat and wept, I sacrificed social events (and a few unsupportive relationships), I learned how to eat, how to exercise, and I did reach goal weight, only to discover as I reached the December of my Journey...

Nothing had changed. Sure, my body weight and shape were different, but I was still the same person inside. I had the same insecurities, the same body issues, fears... they were all still there. Losing weight didn't magically change me.

Then I walked up on high, And I stepped to the edge, To see the world below. 
And I laugh at myself, While the tears roll down, 
'Cuz it's the world I have known... It's the world I have known  
~Collective Soul, The World I Know, 2005

After all that work, all that effort - I was still broken inside. It was the same world I'd always known. Yes, I had dealt with issues along the way, so I wasn't exactly where I started, but there was still a journey ahead. I needed to find my way, learn confidence, earn respect, discover self-love. Those of you who've known me awhile know I took some crazy steps to do that. And while those insane/courageous acts did help me grow and heal, it was the day to day living that allowed me to shed the negativity, doubt and fear. It was through each day - whether I triumphed or just survived - that I learned what I was really made of and found my own worth.

As I watch others travel toward their own goals, I often hear statements like, "When I'm skinny, I'll be happy" or "When I'm thin, I'll love my body". And it breaks my heart. Skinny and Thin won't fix what's broken. It just doesn't work that way. (And fyi, surgery won't "fix" it either - which was a big part of why I waited as long as I did before I had mine. I needed to be mentally and emotionally healthy first.)  Added to that, many of us experience body dysmorphia during and after our weight loss. It's devastating to work so hard and not be able to see it in the mirror.

My hope for you who are on a weight loss quest is that you not reach the December of your Journey only to look out and discover that nothing has changed. As you strive to become physically healthy, don't neglect your mental and emotional health. Develop your strengths, and strengthen your weaknesses. Become more of who you are inside. You are beautiful - regardless of your weight or size.  Please don't mistake weight loss for happiness. Don't mistake a number on the scale, or a size of clothing for who you are. You're not a number. You're not a size. You are more. You are worthy. You are strong, courageous, brave, dedicated... You are Transforming. 





 If you're interested in your own I AM TRANSFORMING t-shirt, please visit my store. They are available in black or in white, in sizes from S to XXL.
I AM TRANSFORMING t-shirt is an original Recipe For Fitness design.


Champion Performance Recipe of the Week - EASY Chicken Parmesan (training friendly!)

If you're dieting down - for a special event or for a competition - you might be reaching the point of the season where you despise mustard and sriracha sauce on your chicken breast. Let me assure you - there is life outside of the Competitor's Condiments. ;-) Check out the super fast and easy way to switch it up - and clean up an old favorite!

EASY Chicken Parmesan
serves 1

INGREDIENTS
4 oz chicken breast, raw* (vegetarians can substitute same amount of tempeh or seitan)
1/2 cup Newman's Own Sockarooni Sauce
2 Tbsp grated fresh parmesan
1/4 tsp Mrs Dash Garlic & Herb

DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Spray a small baking dish with cooking oil.
Pour 2 Tbsp sauce into dish.
Sprinkle both sides of chicken with Mrs Dash, place in pan on top of sauce.
Top with 2 Tbsp sauce.
Bake 10 minutes, add remaining sauce, and continue to bake until cooked through or internal temperature reaches 165 degrees.
Turn off oven, remove chicken and sprinkle on cheese. Return to oven and allow to stand 10 minutes or until cheese has melted.
Serve.

NUTRITION
per serving: 225 calories, 30 grams protein, 12 grams carbs, 6 grams fat, 1 gram fiber.




Monday, June 17, 2013

New Week... let's try for calm this time, eh?

Oh my! Well, if you know me over on Facebook, you know that following my last post things got a little.... scary around here. To pick up where I left off, I eagerly awaited the hubby's return home, and we decided to head out to dinner to celebrate. Since we'd be driving his truck, our youngest asked to borrow my car to go visit her boyfriend (didn't wanna hang out at dinner with us old folks). We left, she primped a bit then headed out, too.

We drove to the restaurant, ordered drinks and food, then proceeded to chat and relax while we waited for our dinners to arrive. We each enjoyed 2 sips of our drinks when Bill's phone rang, we could hear Bethany crying, but couldn't understand her, then the line went dead. He immediately called her back and I spoke to her - all we could get was that there'd been an accident on the freeway. I couldn't understand what she was saying, didn't know if she was hurt. I told her to call 911 and that we were on our way. Bill tossed his credit card to the waiter, said our daughter was in an accident and we'd be back later to pick it up.

Thankfully, the restaurant was just off the freeway, so we hauled butt (read: thankful for a Hemi) to the scene. On the way, I called 911, not sure if she had done so. I reported what we knew then hung up to call Bethy back... except when you call 911 from a mobile device, they put a 5 minute block on the line in case a callback is needed. Way to pump up my fear. We pull up, pull over, Bill throws the truck into park and I run 150 ft down the freeway to my daughter.  The officer sees me running, puts a hand on Bethany's arm, says something then backs away with his hands in the air. I guess a scared Mama is frightening even to a police officer. ;-)  She was ok, just very shaken.

A car driving in the HOV lane next to her blew a tire - he swerved, cutting off traffic, across 4 lanes. He nearly wiped out the guy in front of Bethy, who slammed on his brakes and swerved, Bethy hit hers, but also hit him. The driver who caused the accident fled the scene. The gentleman Bethy hit was just grateful to be alive, and tried to reassure her that everything was ok, but he didn't speak English. The police had to get a translator (I think it was Vietnamese that he spoke). It was very chaotic, and it took some time before Bethy was able to speak coherently. Ironically, the first words she said to me were, "Mom, I f***'d up your car." Oh my.

It took some doing to convince her that cars are replaceable, my daughter is not. It was like a mantra in my head - she's safe, she's ok, she's safe, she's not hurt. The other guy was also uninjured, and his car was drive-able, but mine had to be towed. The insurance told us to have the police tow it, then they'd pick it up and tow it to the shop. The officer did NOT ticket Bethany, which was a relief - he'd spoken to several witnesses, and through the translator, the other guy, and said that though she was technically at fault, it was just a case of bad luck.

Friday, Bethy woke exhausted, sore and stiff, with a few bruises she didn't remember getting - but again, she was safe and that's all that mattered to me. Bill took point with the insurance, and was assured everything was fine. I picked up a rental - Shiloh and her friend Jordan drove me to get it. I'd used my GPS to get us there, then hopped out of the truck and into the rental agency - where I realized I didn't have my phone. Must have left it in the truck. Drat.

Finally, with new wheels, I waited for the kids to come back (they had planned to make sure I got a car ok), then we searched his truck. No phone. We all drove back to the house, where I got on the computer to locate my phone... and it showed it was right back at the agency. ARGH. I hopped back in the car and returned... couldn't find my phone. I went into every store asking if someone had turned in a phone - one woman said, "if you leave me your phone number I can call you and let you know if someone turns it in".  Really? Really???

After searching for 30 minutes, I gave up and got down on my hands and knees, crawling around the cars parked in the lot. It was 111 degrees. That asphalt was insanely hot. Then I spotted it! Under a sedan. How it did not get run over, I have no idea. It had to have fallen out of my purse or off my lap when I jumped out of the truck (jump- yes, I am short and that's a lifted truck, lol). Thankful to have my phone, I returned back home.

That's when my son called. While he'd been working, his roommates were keeping an eye on his dog - except evidently, they weren't, and Winnie got out. Joey got home from work and spent 2 hours driving around Tempe looking for his dog. Turns out, Winnie'd gotten picked up and taken to "jail" (pound). Unfortunately, they wouldn't release him until he'd been fixed (yes, I know all about responsible dog ownership... this wasn't my dog and it wasn't my call). Joey finally agreed to the snipping and was able to pick up Winnie the next day. Poor lil' guy had also burned his paws on the hot cement while he'd been out running. He's getting lots of cuddles while he recovers.

Drama done for the week, yes? Please? No.

Saturday I got a call from the shop - my car had never arrived. OMG. Where is my car?????  Multiple phone calls throughout the day netted us the information that a form hadn't been filed and my car was still in impound. USAA took care of it, and assured us all was well.

Today I got a call - the shop has my car, and they'll let us know later today what the damage is and when I can expect to have my car back. Soon, please! ;-)

This week is going to be a little chaotic - I'm the only one who can drive the rental, so I'm chauffeuring Bethany to and from school, along with my usual work load, wedding errands, and so on.  It's going to be fun ;-)

On the wedding front, Shiloh has kicked major bridal butt and the invitations are nearly ready to go out. We'll be taking one to the post office today to find out how much extra postage is needed (shouldn't they say on the package that these require extra postage???), then finishing them off and dropping them in the mail. She hit the "OMG, it's just around the corner!!!" realization, and is frantically making lists, lol. In reality, despite her panic, there's not a whole lot to do... she's been super organized since the beginning.

Bethany and I both found shoes for our gowns - hers we found in the first store (killer sale!!), mine took a bit more doing. Though I did find the PERFECT shoes fairly quickly. PERFECT, like I picked one up and the angels sang kind of perfect. Shiloh's eyes went wide as she whispered, "Sparkly". Bethany said in a quiet, awed voice, "Mom - those are the shoes." I handled them reverently - I may have used the words "my precious". Then I turned one over to see the size and realized, yes - yes they are perfect. They are indeed the perfect shoe. Damn you, Jimmy Choo!!!! The price tag read $1,695. FYI, that was the sale price - 65% off.  I contemplated calling in the bomb squad to remove them from my hands, but slowly and very gently returned them to the rack hoping I had not damaged them in any way. Whew! We held hands as we backed away, careful to not breathe, then made our escape to the "I'm a normal person" side of the shoe department.

Seriously... how do you spend that kind of money on a pair of shoes and then actually walk around in them? Maybe someday I'll know, LOL!

Here's hoping for a week without drama. How was your weekend?
;-)