Monday, June 14, 2010

Dealing With Rejection


Do you have any of those people in your life? The ones who would love to see you fail? Are they members of your inner circle of family and/or friends? Do their snarky comments and dirty looks hurt you? I've been there. 

If you've read my journal here for any length of time, you know that one of my issues during my journey was the fear of rejection. I was afraid that if I succeeded, certain people in my life would reject me. Sure enough! Not only was I rejected, but I became a favored target. It began building at the beginning of my journey, and for over a year and a half (since I've hit goal and now maintain) I have felt a bit like the poor piñata at a 6-year old's birthday party. 

The digs have hurt, the barbs have scraped. And recently, one person in particular has decided to declare war against me. If it wasn't so painful, it would have been humorous, the crazy things this person is saying and doing. The sad part is that after 3+ years of this insane behavior, my hope for the relationship is gone. I've done everything I know to do to reach out to this person. I've tried to re-forge that connection that brought us together in the beginning. My efforts have failed.

Through my years in the ministry (former pastor's wife for 10+yrs), I saw quite a bit of the dark side of humanity. I witnessed the very best of people, though unfortunately, more often, I witnessed the very worst. Some people are just mean and unhappy, and they want to stay that way. They want to hurt others. After spending much time and money on therapy, lol, I developed some survival skills. I learned how to take away the power of others to hurt me. I learned that I am in complete control of who can hurt me and who cannot. As long as I hold out a hope for a relationship, I am allowing that person to injure me. If the relationship can be salvaged, the risk of hurt is worth it. But... once that hope is gone, so is that person's power. The tie is simply cut. There's no bitterness, there's no malice. Though I will grieve the loss, I will no longer be subject to the person's whims of temper or mood.

Once the "hope" is gone... for me, that person is relegated to the status of one of my plants. Does that sound odd? Here's the deal. I do not have a green thumb. We have a running bet in our house on any plant I bring home... how long will it last? In the first few years I was desperately trying to grow my container gardens and houseplants, I was crushed every time a plant died. Now.... I'm thrilled when it grows and blooms! If it becomes ill, I will fight to save it... but if it dies.... I detach.   I know that I've done everything I can to save it and keep it healthy, but once it's a goner, I shrug my shoulders and say "Oh well. I guess I'll hit WalMart and buy another".   Not that I'm saying my relationships are as transient as my plants, LOL! But, the point is to do what I can do, be responsible for ME, and if a relationship fails, accept it and move on... without bitterness or malice.

I'm interested in hearing how you guys handle such people in your lives. Email me at  inkgoddess @ gmail.com

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