Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Booo for Ozzy-Mommy

For those who have accused me of not sharing the negatives on my journey... this post is for you.



So my personal-growth homework assignment was to attend a Zumba class by myself yesterday. I did. Let me give you a little of the back-story. First, there are a few things about me you should know, if you don't already:


1. I am shy. Painfully shy. Hide in the corner and try not to cry shy. (Now put me on a computer with a keyboard and I'm bubbly-betty!)
2. I am a klutz. I run into things for no reason. I used to think they jumped out at me, but that was just wishful thinkin'. I'm just a klutz.
3. I have no rhythm. Over the years, I have had brief brilliant moments of rhythm, then I think about it and it's gone. Refer back to #2.



So... I have attended Zumba a few times. Always in the company of Tab, and sometimes another friend. My goal in this class is to not injure anyone. Yeah, I'm that bad. No kidding, one time I managed to clear a personal space of about 15 feet all around me - people were that afraid. I'm serious.  In the company of friends, I could maybe someday (in a new millennium or alternate universe) see how this could be fun. On my own - absolutely not. With my knees, the format is too bouncy, too many quick moves & pivots. Then add in my innate shy & klutz, and you have my usual Zumba-MO... frustrated tears. Remember how much I hate to cry? REALLY hate to cry, especially the I-can't-control-these-tears-they-just-pop-out-when-I'm-frustrated crying. Which brings me to yesterday's assignment.


I drove to the gym. I want points for that. I sat in my car a moment, digging for the willpower to walk in. I walked in. I want double points for that. No one was in the class. Room was dark, so I grabbed my notebook and started creating recipes (yes, this is what I do when I have a few moments). Eventually others show up, and finally the instructor. We all file into the room, and the music starts to play. There's a bit of shuffling as folks stake out their spots. No, I'm sorry, this is my space. Yes, I'm quite serious - you'll thank me later.


You know those super-chirpy folks? The one's who are just so darn excited to be here and aren't we all going to have so much fun? The ones who make those cutesy little faces as they talk and direct class? The ones you want a nice cream pie to smash into their perky faces??? Yes. The instructor was one of those. A sweetheart, really, I know her outside of class, and she's a doll. But once she got going, I wanted that pie.


I could not keep up. This was clearly a regular routine that the class did, as either the class knew all the moves or could read the instructor's mind. I jerked and bounced, bobbled and weaved, and thought, "what the hell am I doing here?" This wasn't fun. Fine, I was there, I was moving, but I wasn't enjoying it. Sure, given enough time and practice, I might learn the steps - will that make it more fun for me? NO. I could invest the time and effort into learning more about astro-physics, but that won't make it any more my kind of fun. It's just not me. I know many, many people love Zumba - more power to 'em. Enjoy. It's all yours. There's a million other things I'd rather put my time and energy into. Please understand, I am NOT bashing Zumba, I simply don't belong there. When class began the final cool-down, I grabbed my stuff and ducked out the door. I didn't need a cool-down, my heart-rate was at 78. Sorry, but I could sit in my car in the 116 degree heat and get a better caloric burn than that. Blek.
I didn't cry until I got in my car. I want points for that, too. I was soooo frustrated! I hate doing things I'm not good at, I hate even more doing things I'm not good at and simply don't care about. And it hurts. Physically, it hurts my knees. I could put up with that if it was fun - but it's not. So, I decided, wiping the freakin' tears off my face, I'm not doing it again. I'm done with Zumba. The divorce is final and all parties are free to move on. I know the purpose was to get me out of my comfort zone, but there are other ways and means. There have to be.
So... angry, frustrated, and still fighting tears, I drove home. Home where I was immediately bombarded - I need the car, when's dinner, so-and-so's coming over, the dog needs water... I wasn't even in the door yet! I bet you can guess what happened next. Can I give you just a little more backstory for the day? Remember that I'd gotten my first ticket in 18 years that morning, then was crazy busy all day, and yesterday was one of my HUNGRY days... I was seriously hungry, and then the Zumba fiasco...


I became Ozzy-Mommy. I am not proud of this, but I am honest. I started biting off heads as I made my into the house. My children first, then two children I don't even know, then the dog. I tried to take a breath and reign it in, and then the hubby got it, too. Damnit. I hate when I'm Ozzy-Mommy. Thankfully, I have the world's most amazing husband. And thankfully, he's so exhausted himself that he didn't have the energy to knock me on my emotional ass like I deserved. After my whirling twister of terror, Bill and I headed out back where I could sit in peace for 5 gawdamn minutes (ok, so I was still a little wound up), and he gently talked me down. But I was still hungry.


I texted back and forth with Tab over the Zumba thing. She confirmed, the point wasn't to punish me, lol, but to move me outside my box by doing it alone. Success, I guess. But I am done. I can see that in the right company, it can be a fun goofy event. In my living room with the X-Box Kinnect, sure - goofy fun. But for me on my own, in a class, it holds no appeal - and it's not worth the amount of knee-icing I have to do afterwards. There are other things I can do and enjoy.


Anyway, so once Ozzy-Mommy retired for the night, I managed to get dinner out for everyone - the chicken loaf and smashed chipotle sweet potatoes I'd made during my Sunday Food Prep (see recipe page if you want the recipes). It got gobbled up, while I ate my baked Swai and steamed zucchini. I also tried a new recipe I'd found on a figure competitor's site - omg, major epic unbelievable fail. Truly one of the worst things I've ever tasted. Ew blehk. Bill and the kids had a blast watching the various expressions cross my face. Delightful. It did, however, make me really appreciate my evening protein ice-cream, lol! :-) I'm still playing with the Salted Caramel Custard flavor. I'm getting closer :-)


The day at an end, I crashed hoping that Ozzy-Mommy would stay far-far-away. And for some reason I dreamed about bats. Huh.


This morning, my usual workout was rearranged since the AC is out at the studio. I did HIIT on the StairMaster for 30 minutes followed by 10 minutes of steady state. I was going to say I felt great, but haha, brutal cardio doesn't feel great, lol. It was, however, an awesome session! I had no hamstring pain, minimal knee pain, and I got a great burn. Whew! I was a sweaty mess. Know how to tell I wear super industrial strength sports bras?

I was able to wring out my sports bra, but the "stay-dri" technology really did keep my shirt dry! LOL!!!


When I got home, I enjoyed 2 blueberry protein muffins - had planned on just one, but was so freakin hungry, I figured I could tweak something in my food later in the day, but I needed more than just the one. After two, I felt human. To make up for it, I traded my usual bowl of oatmeal for 2 more muffins for breakfast. Was that confusing? I just re-read that and confused myself. I like the protein muffins (1) for immediately after a workout/cardio in the a.m. because it shoots a quick dose of natural sugar into my bloodstream to replenish depleted glycogen stores in my muscles, while the protein  goes to work repairing those muscles. One muffin fits fine into my macros and calories, as well as my diet parameters, so I while I count it, I don't worry about it (you can look on my cooler pg on the fitday info and see how it all works out). So having two muffins this morning, I was concerned that I was screwing up my macros/calories - but by not having my regular oatmeal bowl for breakfast, and replacing it with 2 more muffins (zucchini), I came out right where I need to be.


After work I head back to the gym, where I'll have Tab's 15 minute Abs Express class followed by 45 minutes of steady-state cardio. After that, I will clean up (the bowling alley will thank me), then had to cheer on my guys at the alley. Summer league goes later, so I won't be home until after 9pm (about 30 minutes before my car turns into a pumpkin). I'll whip up my protein ice cream, snarf it down, then crash. Thursday morning will be Back & Arms. As sore as I am right now, I'm a little scared. LOL! 



2 comments:

  1. while my goal is different than yours, my trainer has done the same thing. "You have to get out of your comfort zone!" so I took yoga, and for me, it was a bad as your zumba experience (which I would NEVER do!). I left in tears, I was in pain (I have bad shoulders), I was frustrated and hated it. Best part? My trainer was the instructor. But I tried it. Thank goodness she never pushed me to do that again! I'll do plyometrics for hours, but no yoga for me!

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  2. ha ha thanks for this...trying something different isn't always fun but glad you did it anyways!

    Yay for new recipe creations....cant wait to see what you'll cook up next.!

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