Tuesday, August 9, 2011

An Epiphany

With all my no-shirt angst, something slipped right past me. A pattern. A behavior. One I thought I'd nixed quite some time ago.

Back when I was losing weight, and as I entered maintenance of my goal weight, I had people in my life who, let's say didn't approve of my weight loss or new look. Trying to not alienate those people, I often allowed myself to be pressured into eating foods I wouldn't normally, or drinking more than I planned to. Basically, I allowed myself to be sabotaged. My need to keep/win their approval had me feeling that I needed to apologize for my success, my weight loss, my size. It wasn't a happy time, but it was a transitional time when I had to learn new coping skills and figure out some of my issues and move past them. Which I did. Mostly.

As I've gone into this competition prep, that approval/apology cycle has returned. How utterly ridiculous. Why am I concerned with what people in the gym or peripherally in my life think? I don't need their approval - they know nothing about me, my goals, my fears... nothing. It's irrelevant. I had a chat with Tabitha yesterday that really brought this home to me. She said some things that helped me realize that it's no longer about 'getting' there; but that it's about embracing that I AM there. I am 3 weeks out from show. I am ready. I am strong, hungry and lean.

I AM THERE.

I've been fighting the current instead of riding the wave. I've done something amazing, that I never thought I could and that should make me proud, not apologetic! My body isn't perfect, but it is a direct result of the hard work and tight diet I've done. Why should I be sorry for that? Well, I'm not. Not anymore. I'm embracing this moment, this moment where I am.

I've worked my ass off (haha, literally). I've been 100% true to the diet. I've stayed home when I wanted to go out. I've driven everyone around me nuts for weeks. I've driven myself nuts. It's time to bring this ship in to the shore (2 pts if you knew what song that was!).

I'm here. And I'm not leaving.

17 Days. 

8 comments:

  1. I can't fight this feeling anymore...

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  2. ROFL!!!! You win the 80's Cheesy Tunes Award!!! :-) Yes, Ma'am!!!!

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  3. NUTS!!! Becky beat me to it! Oh well.... I've forgotten what I started fightin' for.. and if I have to crawl upon the floor, come crashin' thru your door... baby I can't fight this feelin' anymore.... My life has been such a whirl wind since I found you...

    Ok OK OOOOKKKK... I'll stop! I just really dig a little REO!

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  4. Hahahahaha! You shoulda seen my husband's face when I came in from cardio & posing last night singing this song!! He was certain I'd lost my mind! LOL!

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  5. Great! Now you guys got that song stuck in my head!!! LOL!!!
    Chelle, as someone dear to me said this past weekend, "You are MORE than ready!!!". You got this, woman! I am so cheering you from this coast!!!! :)

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  6. AHHH Amazing Chelle I am sooo Proud of you and so excited to see you rock that stage!

    Ive been having the same people do the same things now...it definitely is an epiphany...but I am still learning how to manager the saboteurs you know?

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  7. Now, it's stuck in my head too!!! LOL

    Wow, you are there! Right there.
    I wish I were closer because I would definitely come watch and cheer you on!!

    LPM

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  8. YAY! It's getting close! So excited for you!

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