Wednesday, March 28, 2012

The Case of the Quicksand Mattress...

Our mattress is horrible - I mean really, really horrible. We're not ready to plunk down the big bucks for a new one, so we headed out looking for a mattress topper - something to make it bearable, maybe one of those memory foam deals. We found one. At half the price we were expecting to pay. We got the 4" one, thinking deeper is better. We were excited. We opened the box. We let it air out (and fluff up), then put on the cover, the sheets, made the bed and looked forward to a good night's rest.

Didn't happen.

What did? We were swallowed by the Quicksand Mattress. Yes. It's a real thing. I should know - it's in my bedroom right now. Covered in a pretty comforter and matching pillows, it looks innocent - even welcoming. But it's not. It's a beast, just waiting for you to relax into the memory foam, fall blissfully asleep, so that it can SUCK YOU DOWN INTO ITS DEPTHS.

When I woke this morning, my nose was level with the mattress - not because my face was on it, but because my face was IN it. My hips had sunk down, my arm was lying in an indent. Huh. As I ponder this, the hubby climbs out (yes, he had to climb up and out) of bed to hit the shower - as he vacated his body-pit, I rolled into it. Yes. I literally rolled into the impression his body had left in the memory foam. The dog - our 70 lb boxer, evidently is smarter than us and figured out how to disperse her body weight across the mattress. She was sprawled over 3/4 of the bed, with nary an indent in sight. How did she do it???  As I huffed and puffed and tried to claw my way out of the Mattress Monster, the dog opened one eye and looked at me, as if to say, "Really? Having problems there? Amateur."

I'm posting a new sign on my bedroom door. I believe everyone must be warned.

If I don't blog tomorrow - someone come save me from the mattress!


  1. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!! Sorry your bed sucks... literally! But that was funny!

  2. Lol, Chelle! This is a great post! Too funny! The dogs always have a way of figuring things out to be comfortable... us humans aren't quite that smart! I will pray for a new mattress for you and your hubby... maybe the quicksand will eat up your old mattress, and alas, you will be forced to purchase a new, more comfortable (and less toxic) version. May you rest in peace... on a new mattress SOON, that is! Lol, lol! ~kymberly

  3. OMG Chelle! I'm so sorry about your mattress woes, but you have me cracking up! Nothing like the right bed, makes the world such a better place! LOL! Wendy

  4. Funny post. Hope a new mattress will solve all your aches and pains and you can get back on track with your workouts.

  5. Hi,
    hahahaha...:) so funny!! Anyway, is it possible to flip the mattress spring upside down and put a mattress over it without breaking the?

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