Monday, June 4, 2012

Monday, Monday...

I guess there's a reason Monday's have a bad rep... today was simply further evidence that Monday should be blocked from the calendar. We should be able to time-jump over the day, lol. I'm ready for Tuesday, how about you? ;-)  I spent the morning tied up in one bureaucratic ball of red tape after another. Oy! Simple is good, people - and really, would it kill them to put up a few signs so you don't walk from building to building  to building and back to the first building again - TWICE??? I went through three metal detectors and security wands. My purse was searched three times. My ginormous keychain commented on three times (I heard it the first time thank you, it's not funny anymore). Maybe signs, plural, are too much to ask for - how about a single, nicely placed directory?

Now that I've gotten my Monday whining out of the way, let's cover a few basics ;-) Sunday food prep was done and clean eats available to my crew this week are Chicken, eggs, egg whites, lean steak, chicken sausage, chicken meatballs and (bawk-bawk) chicken burgers. We've also got greek yogurt, cottage cheese, broccoli/cauliflower, zucchini, peppers, snow peas & tomatoes, salad greens, brown rice and jasmine rice, and the staple whole grain breads and wraps and quinoa pasta. We're fully stocked. Which is good as I've got one kid who is steadily getting her body back after pregnancy (ah, the elasticity of youth!), and another who is bulking up with the hope of competing in bodybuilding. We're going through a LOT of protein powder!

Today's cooler is up here: http://recipeforfitness.com/todays_cooler.html  and we'll (Tabitha and I) be posting our June cardio playlists tomorrow. If you'd like to check out previous playlists, head on over to here: http://recipeforfitness.com/workout_music/index.html.

And now, the moment I've been stalling  ;-)

Let's chat about injuries. Specifically injury induced depression. Sounds like a real name, yes? lol, well, if it's not, it certainly should be.

You all know my battle with injuries... my knees, my arthritis, my back, my shoulder... Many of you have walked with me through victories over injury and illness. More recently, you also know I have been grounded from the gym for quite some time again due to injury. I've shared what my doctor's are telling me, and doing to me, and the variety of prognosis' I receive. Most recently, my back was cleared for active duty ;-) but the shoulder is still in the WTF stage. But... speaking of the shoulder, you remember that my shoulder doc told me I'd probably never lift heavy again - after struggling with that, attempting to come to terms with it and what it meant for my competing goals, this last week I met with my surgeon (the guy who also fixed my knee), and he threw me for a loop... "Oh absolutely you'll compete again. If you want to. We just need to fix it. It takes time."  Ummmmm, eh????? Ever feel like people just enjoy playing with your head?

So what does any of that have to do with depression? Everything. I'm going to come clean here, and tell you that I've been living under a big black cloud. This year has been incredibly difficult for our family. First my youngest had health issues - searching for answers, then the resulting surgery (which, by the way, returned her to my bouncy darlin' girl!), then there were various teen-rebellion-issues that we're still dealing with the consequences of, along with my (grown) son moving to California, and of course, there were the pregnancy and adoption.

Throughout all of these crisis, I have been injured. My natural stress relievers were progressively blocked to me - no exercise classes, no upper body workouts, then no lower body workouts and no cardio; and I began to slide down into the emotional pit. The more inactive I became, the deeper I sank. I used all my emotional energy to deal with whatever crisis was currently in my face. Now, with most of our troubles being resolved - as much as possible; with no family crisis to focus on surviving; I am being forced to face my own. I have reached a new low. I realized that I haven't been this inactive since before I began my weight loss journey.

I've kept my diet relatively clean, though items that should be treats became too familiar. I've continued my Sunday food prep, my daily coolers, my food-routines, if you will, but the 'after-hours' has gotten progressively lax. Being transparent here, I either don't eat nearly enough, or I eat too much. My weight is up about 5 lbs. It's not huge, but it is one more brick on my back. My clothes all still fit, albeit a bit snug, lol. And when I was finally cleared to return to lower body and cardio work two weeks ago - what'd I do? Nothing.

I know, I know-know-know, that if I drag my a$$ to the gym I will feel better. I know the psychology of exercise and clean eating. But I can't drag my freaking a$$ to the gym. Pathetic, yes? I have, to be clear, done a few cardio sessions, and I have done a couple spin classes, but regular cardio hasn't been happening.  When my heart-rate monitor tells me there is only one or two sessions per week logged, I get sad again, part of me wondering what the hell is the point?

Some might say I should probably have waited to make this post until I'm on the other side of this pit - but going back to the heart of this blog, the purpose of sharing my journey is to (hello) share my journey. I've fought injury induced depression before - fought and won. And I will do it again. I'm taking steps - slow and steady, and I'm rethinking goals and revisiting dreams. I don't know how long I'll be here in the shade, but I will step out into the sunshine again. Life is all about growth and even through this seemingly emotionally barren time, I am growing.



6 comments:

  1. Hugs to you! You are an amazing woman in my book...it takes so much strength to stand here in front of us and share your soul. You've helped so many women, myself included, just by being here every day...what can we do to help you?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you for sharing your turmoil's with us, as Becky said it takes courage to share your soul. I truly hope your on the road to recovery and send you lots of positive thoughts.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thank you for sharing, Chelle. It helps us who are also struggling with issues just like yours but aren't as able to be open about it. I find a little relief knowing that others go through dark & dreary times too - not that I want you to go through it, but it helps knowing I'm not alone. Love ya & your open, honest sharing.
    And I'm super excited that you will be able to compete again!! Many thoughts/prayers/good vibes headed your way.
    Jen

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you!!! Ya'll have no idea how much your emails and comments mean to me. Thank you isn't enough.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Just read your blog Chelle! You are so amazing because you display a lot of courage laying yourself wide open. I admire your honesty and your integrity. You will get back on track. You may not have been exercising like you wish you had, but look at how wonderful your eating has been. Not perfect, but you haven't put your head in the trough and chowed down everything in sight, in spite of going through a lot of stress. In my mind, you rock! You are an inspiration to many and you have always blessed me. You're in my heart and prayers. Can't wait to hear how things unfold for you!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I am new to your blog and keep comming back to catch up on your past posts. I feel a connection to your story from start to present. I am currently on a slow mend from injuries and stress induced depression. Although after my 80lb weight transformation, I sit here at 40lbs up. I struggle with wanting to exercise and train like I had in the past, knowing the benefits to my emotional state. At first I had the what's the point attitude because of all the injuries and conditions that kept setting me back from the intensity I thought I had to maintain my workouts. I almost gave up, but realised being persistant and starting somewhere less hardcore isn't a failure but a new foundation to getting me to my goal. Even though i'm far from the strength I had a year ago, I can see and feel a difference, and that is my inspiration everyday.

    ReplyDelete