Now that I've gotten my Monday whining out of the way, let's cover a few basics ;-) Sunday food prep was done and clean eats available to my crew this week are Chicken, eggs, egg whites, lean steak, chicken sausage, chicken meatballs and (bawk-bawk) chicken burgers. We've also got greek yogurt, cottage cheese, broccoli/cauliflower, zucchini, peppers, snow peas & tomatoes, salad greens, brown rice and jasmine rice, and the staple whole grain breads and wraps and quinoa pasta. We're fully stocked. Which is good as I've got one kid who is steadily getting her body back after pregnancy (ah, the elasticity of youth!), and another who is bulking up with the hope of competing in bodybuilding. We're going through a LOT of protein powder!
Today's cooler is up here: http://recipeforfitness.com/todays_cooler.html and we'll (Tabitha and I) be posting our June cardio playlists tomorrow. If you'd like to check out previous playlists, head on over to here: http://recipeforfitness.com/workout_music/index.html.
And now, the moment I've been stalling ;-)
Let's chat about injuries. Specifically injury induced depression. Sounds like a real name, yes? lol, well, if it's not, it certainly should be.
You all know my battle with injuries... my knees, my arthritis, my back, my shoulder... Many of you have walked with me through victories over injury and illness. More recently, you also know I have been grounded from the gym for quite some time again due to injury. I've shared what my doctor's are telling me, and doing to me, and the variety of prognosis' I receive. Most recently, my back was cleared for active duty ;-) but the shoulder is still in the WTF stage. But... speaking of the shoulder, you remember that my shoulder doc told me I'd probably never lift heavy again - after struggling with that, attempting to come to terms with it and what it meant for my competing goals, this last week I met with my surgeon (the guy who also fixed my knee), and he threw me for a loop... "Oh absolutely you'll compete again. If you want to. We just need to fix it. It takes time." Ummmmm, eh????? Ever feel like people just enjoy playing with your head?
So what does any of that have to do with depression? Everything. I'm going to come clean here, and tell you that I've been living under a big black cloud. This year has been incredibly difficult for our family. First my youngest had health issues - searching for answers, then the resulting surgery (which, by the way, returned her to my bouncy darlin' girl!), then there were various teen-rebellion-issues that we're still dealing with the consequences of, along with my (grown) son moving to California, and of course, there were the pregnancy and adoption.
Throughout all of these crisis, I have been injured. My natural stress relievers were progressively blocked to me - no exercise classes, no upper body workouts, then no lower body workouts and no cardio; and I began to slide down into the emotional pit. The more inactive I became, the deeper I sank. I used all my emotional energy to deal with whatever crisis was currently in my face. Now, with most of our troubles being resolved - as much as possible; with no family crisis to focus on surviving; I am being forced to face my own. I have reached a new low. I realized that I haven't been this inactive since before I began my weight loss journey.
I've kept my diet relatively clean, though items that should be treats became too familiar. I've continued my Sunday food prep, my daily coolers, my food-routines, if you will, but the 'after-hours' has gotten progressively lax. Being transparent here, I either don't eat nearly enough, or I eat too much. My weight is up about 5 lbs. It's not huge, but it is one more brick on my back. My clothes all still fit, albeit a bit snug, lol. And when I was finally cleared to return to lower body and cardio work two weeks ago - what'd I do? Nothing.
I know, I know-know-know, that if I drag my a$$ to the gym I will feel better. I know the psychology of exercise and clean eating. But I can't drag my freaking a$$ to the gym. Pathetic, yes? I have, to be clear, done a few cardio sessions, and I have done a couple spin classes, but regular cardio hasn't been happening. When my heart-rate monitor tells me there is only one or two sessions per week logged, I get sad again, part of me wondering what the hell is the point?
Some might say I should probably have waited to make this post until I'm on the other side of this pit - but going back to the heart of this blog, the purpose of sharing my journey is to (hello) share my journey. I've fought injury induced depression before - fought and won. And I will do it again. I'm taking steps - slow and steady, and I'm rethinking goals and revisiting dreams. I don't know how long I'll be here in the shade, but I will step out into the sunshine again. Life is all about growth and even through this seemingly emotionally barren time, I am growing.