Thursday, February 7, 2013

One of Those Days...

There are days when simply getting out of bed is a victory. Unfortunately, today was one. I've been going hard - training, eating, analyzing, repeat. Lol. It's been intense. And it all caught up to me. My knees and shoulder called it quits on me this morning. You know that scene in Jurassic Park (the 2nd or 3rd film) where the bus has gone half over the cliff, and she's laying on the glass and it's cracking... ? That was my knees this morning and my shoulder wasn't far behind. I was fully inflamed :-(  Three weeks until we leave for the Arnold, and this was NOT on my plan.

Ya know, though I try not to dwell on it, I've been honest here on my blog about my situation. I live with pain every day - I know I'm broken, lol, but I detest being forcefully reminded of it. And I REALLY detest being forced to stop. But... I did it anyway. I didn't work out. I did work, I ate clean, and I got to go shopping with Shiloh today and she found her wedding shoes! (yay for good things!!!). Plus, today was carb day - I got oatmeal with my breakfast (oh how I've missed you!), a banana with my shake, quinoa with my dinner... my whole body (and family) said, "Ahhhhhh."  I feel better, enough that I was able to go do cardio tonight - 60 min on the treadmill, with just enough hill and speed to keep my heart rate at about 130 bpm. That's my target hr for steady-state.

It's days like this that both shake me and settle me. Shake me in that every doubt, every fear I have rise to the surface. And settle me in that I know - I KNOW - despite the doubts and fears that I will get through this, too. I know there's an end coming to my ability to train hard  - it's simply a fact. There will come a time when my aggressive disease will end my "Are You CRAZY??" lifestyle - that's ok. It is what it is. But today is not that day. Neither is tomorrow. Until that day comes, I will continue to fight, train, modify, learn, grow, and push. When that day comes, I'll learn how to do all that in other ways and in other directions.

Again... This is NOT that day.

I will not go gently into that good night.
Though... with a cup of tea and a house to myself, it is pretty darn quiet around here tonight ;-)

Here's to tomorrow.

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