Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Facing Criticism...

There you see my iced coffee, tilapia burger with
pico, avocado, black grapes and white peaches. YUM!
So... Where to begin? Last weekend was great. Super busy, but a lot of fun. Friday was my rest and carb day. I enjoyed each and every gram, lol. Friday night, I packed up my cooler with snacks, then Bill, Shiloh and I had dinner out, then hit the NPC show. I was very excited to discover that Longhorn Steak House has an allergen menu! Woot! It made ordering so easy!!!

The show was fabulous. Friday night was all the prejudging, and a couple of the great folks who've been helping me with posing were competing. We watched the show, took notes, and just generally had fun. Saturday I did all my workouts and cardio, then we went back to Mesa to watch the finals of the NPC. It really helped me to understand how the two-day shows work, since my 2nd show planned is a 2-day NPC. It was a fun night, and I'm glad we went.

Then came Sunday. First let me explain that Sunday was leg day. Leg day is my nemesis. As you can see in my latest video post, I'm really, really good at stalling on leg day. Ha! Anyway. By this point in the day, I'd done my fasted cardio, eaten a couple times, done a boat-load of work, I'm tired, I hate leg day, I'm tired, I'm back at the gym instead of spending precious time with my family... you get the idea. So... I go inside, scope out an available squat rack, and happen to run into someone who's opinion I respect. A lot. We chatted about his competition experience and future goals, then he asked about where I was at. I gave him the stats and that's when it happened. The pin hit my balloon. The nail punctured my tire. The cloud settled over my head.

He said... "You've got to GET ON IT. You have GOT to do the HIIT. You HAVE to do the diet. You have GOT to hit this hard or you're not going to make it."

What??? Are you serious?? Now... I know that I'm responsible for my own emotional state - and the way I take things isn't necessarily how they were meant. But. And let's just say... BIG but, wow that came out of left field! I felt like he was questioning my work ethic, my dedication and commitment to the diet, the cardio, the work. I felt like he was questioning my ability to complete the journey. I felt like he was saying I was half-assing it. And I was crushed. I wanted to scream, "what more do you want??? what more can I possibly do???" I didn't. Of course. I smiled, nodded, thanked him and headed to the squat rack.

And... I killed leg day. There's just nothing like churning emotions to bring out the "I'll show you!" attitude. Unfortunately, that wore off and by the time I got home I was a wreck. Booooo. And my poor hubby had to listen to my rant and whine. :-(

The comments, though well meaning, left me feeling that I wasn't doing enough, wasn't good enough. Ugh. Thankfully, my patient and loving husband was there for me, then Monday I had a long talk with Kayla about it. She pointed out the flaws in what he said, and where he was saying it from. Not the least of which is that I am right where I'm supposed to be. I am cutting exactly as she anticipated (because hello... age IS a factor here - I'm not 20 years old and won't cut like a 20 year old). She has every confidence that I'll get where we're going. She also let me know that she knows I'm doing everything I'm supposed to be doing. I am 100% compliant, in all areas. Period.

It was a relief to hear all that, and a soothing balm to know that she believes in me - sees how hard I'm working. I struggle every single day with thoughts of giving up. This is hard, folks. I'm almost 44 years old and I have the joints of a 70 year old. Physically, this is taking everything I have. Then you add in the cost personally... I'm missing out on family time. Shi will be moving back to San Diego at the end of September and through her whole time here I've been in competition mode. Bethy is about to start up college again... and through her whole summer I've been in competition mode. Bill gets limited time away from work (he's on the phone sometimes as late as 9 or 10 pm) - his time is precious, and mine is committed to this journey. Competing isn't all sparkles and muscle. It's hard. In every way.

I'm not giving up. I won't give up. That doesn't mean I don't struggle with it. Especially when hit with criticism. This is the real world. And, haha, as my kids say... the struggle is real. Fo' sho'.  ;-)

Once Kayla got me talked off the ledge, lol, I was able to (mostly) set it aside. Later that day was my appointment to pick up my suit. Want a sneak peek? :-)

We've also narrowed down my stage "look". Friday I'll be heading to the mall to play with makeup and consult with my hair-genius, lol. I'm really looking forward to that. I need some girly fun :-)

Today was once again, Leg Day. They're feeling pretty toasted. I'm soon to head back for a quick hamstring session followed by cardio and dry sauna, then my hour of posing practice. Going to be another long night. I'm hoping to be home tonight before 10pm. My abs are playing hide and go seek... some days they pop (like today), other days they're MIA. We'll be experimenting with my carbs this friday to see what we can do to capture those buggers.

Anyway... the drama/crisis is past, and I'm back to the day to day grind. Lots and lots of fish. A gallon and a half of water. Sweat, sweat and more sweat. And a ticking clock. This is life five weeks from show, lol.

Speaking of fish... have I mentioned what a wonderful husband I have? Poor guy had to field my, "OMG, I'm a pound and a half short of Tilapia!!!" moment while I was doing prep last night. What's he do? Heads right out to the store to go buy me some. Then calls me... they're out of Tilapia. He volunteers to go to another store. They were out, too. How crazy is that? True love was me telling him to just come home, lol, and not to try another store - which he offered to do (also true love). Hahahaha! Today I managed to find more Tilapia, so all is well in the world. Little trivia... I go through a pound and a half of Tilapia each day. Yep. EACH DAY. And I prep 3 days at a time.

Just keep swimmin', swimmin', swimmin'...  ;-)

9 comments:

  1. Chelle, The fact that you push thru all your roadblocks and emotional mentaldoubts is so much more inspiring than someone who seems to have unchallanged success! Thank you for opening your journey to all of us!!!

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  2. AND.......sometimes even the opinions of the people we respect can be coming from an entirely different perspective. There are also instances where people who regularly do shows have told newbies that they shouldn't expect to place - but then the newbie does better than the regular show participant. It's good to get an opinion, but it's just an opinion. Yes, you know that....but it's SO TRUE. Someone once told me: Trust Your Coach. Sounds like something Chelle must do now!!!! (Big Grin ;-) ~Jen

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    1. ROFL!!! Big Grins right back atcha' Jen!!! :-) Thanks!!

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  3. The truthof competition prep. You are absolutely amazing. I would have punched the guy in the face then sat on the floor and cried. I am proud of you for not doing that :)

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    1. Helen, I think punching him would have been more satisfying!!! :-) LOL!!! Thank you!!!!!

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  4. wow, your legs look fantastic! you are rocking that suit already!

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