Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Beneath a Darkened Sky

Last Thursday morning, we lost our Sadie. It was horrible, and unexpected. We thought we had several weeks left with her, maybe even a few months. We didn't. Within just a few hours, she was gone. She died in my arms, at home, knowing she was so very loved.

Even now, a week later, I'm having trouble typing about this. She was my constant companion, and especially in the last weeks, rarely strayed from my side. As she became sicker, my world narrowed - time was judged by medication dosages, and running errands as quickly as possible because she couldn't be left alone for long. We made changes throughout the house and yard to make things safer for her - guarding her from the pool, laying down rugs on the wood floors so she could more easily gain her footing. Everything revolved around her - but even in her illness, she brought so much light. And now I walk beneath a darkened sky.

I haven't cooked since. I can't bear being in the kitchen without her laying at my feet. My morning coffee is bereft without her head resting in my lap. Even the grocery store hurts as I pass the dog food aisles. I know some would say, "She was just a dog," but she was so much more than that to me.

I couldn't have gotten through it alone, and was so grateful Bethy was with me when it happened. I'm still not sure how the two of us got Sadie in my car after she passed. The veterinary hospital staff were incredible. Each of them came out to hug me, and tell me how much they'd loved Sadie. The vet herself sat with me, and held me as I cried. Their compassion was a comfort.

I spent the weekend surrounded by people who love me. The kids drove in from CA, our other kids spent a lot of time here, just being with me. My family all gathered together to mourn with me, and hold me tight as I fell apart. I'm thankful, so thankful for them.

And I'm thankful for the memories, the photos, the years we had with Sadie.




  








6 comments:

  1. I am so, so sorry. Not just a dog, but a piece of our hearts. They become just as much a part of the family. *big hugs*

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  2. Oh chelle, I know exactly what you are going through! Our 14yr old beagle mix passed away 5 months ago and I'm still not over it. It took me a couple months to put her bed away and every day I half expected to see her curled right up next me.

    Your sweet sadie never was "just a dog". She was a family member from day 1 and losing a pet like her is just as sorrowful as losing a human loved one. Take as long as you need to to grieve. I'm sending big hugs your way!!!!!!
    While you will never forget Sadie and you probably will cry at the drop of a hat just thinking of her even years down the road, I promise the skies will become less dark and dreary! Hang in there chica! There are always the best a ilver linings around the darkest of clouds.

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    1. Thanks. Seems Facebook is determined to make me cry, lol. Every morning this week a "memory" post has been a photo of Sadie. Good memories, though.

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  3. Oh Chelle, my heart breaks with you. The lump in your throat and tightness in your chest will loosen and the fog will eventually lift. One day at a time. I remember your post about your sister finding her...didn't she walk right up to your sister's door? She was meant to be yours and she will liver in your heart forever now. The hardest part of loving our animals so deeply is having to say goodbye sooner than we expect...why don't they live forever???!!! Keeping you in my thoughts and sending you lots of love and hugs.

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    1. Thank you. Yep, she wandered right into her home and ate the Thanksgiving Turkey off the counter, lol! We drove 24 hours round trip to bring her home. She was definitely meant for me :-) Just wish we'd had more time.

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