Wednesday, April 13, 2011

I'm Out of Control!!!!

 Tab and I had a little chat yesterday... it's the same little chat we've had several times over the last few weeks... it's about my calorie intake & ratios. I have been spending more and more time on tweaking my food until I hit as close to where I need to be as possible... if I have to diverge, I freak. Finally, yesterday, I sent her a panic-email about my food for the day not being on target. When I saw her last night, she gave me the thunk to the back of the head I needed. Yes, I am following a plan. Yes, we have made one minor change to said plan (adding a banana to my post workout shake so that my body gets the quick carbs it needs to recover and build). Yes, my nutrition is solid. Yes, Yes, Yes. So why am I freaking? Because my numbers don't add up exactly to my target. I actually spent 30 minutes last night tweaking my fitday for today... when I found myself adjusting the scoops of protein powder (1, 1 1/2, 2) for the FOURTH time hoping to hit my ratios, I realized I am out of control.

No bueno.

I have used fitday for nearly 4 years... it's a fantastic tool that's helped me stay on track, reach my goals and I recommend it to anyone. But... along the way (since I began my Figure Competition journey) it's become something more for me, something unhealthy. Instead of being a tool to keep me where I need to be, it's become my obsessive compulsive behavior - my attempt to exercise some form of control over a situation that terrifies me (crossing the stage). Well, this just won't do. So...

I'm banning fitday. (I think my heart just stopped).

Today's fitday will be the last one you see on my cooler page until after the competition. Geeze, even as I type that, I'm coming up with circumstances where I might justify using it again... really???  No!  No more fitday until after the show. I will follow the plan I'm on. I will do what Tab tells me. I will trust the process.
I'm going to go eat now. Because it's that time. Lol.






  1. I became the same way with which is a free financial website where you can monitor your spending and help set budgets and goals. It got to the point where I was on it all the time, sweating over graphs that told the world (well, anyone looking into my cubicle anyway) that I spent x% (yes I'm using X instead of posting a real number... some of us aren't quite ready to show our "before pictures" yet :) ) of my income at Target, Subway, and Dimple Records... it was scary.

    Now I've made it so I only really check in a couple times a month, usually around pay days, or any time I need to make a special budget which is pretty rare. It still helps me to plan ahead and monitor my spending, but I've come to realize there's no need to spend hours with a blank stare and my hair standing on end, waiting to see what "the numbers" will tell me about me.

  2. OMG! That's exactly it! That is EXACTLY what it was like! ROFL! I should have known you'd understand :-)