Wednesday, June 1, 2011

"Do you ever just want to give up?" - Q&A

I was asked a question today and wanted to share it here...

"How are you doing in the prep for your show?? Do you ever get the "I want to just give up" feelings, or are you consistently strong?"

Folks... I'm just me. A regular gal. Do I ever get the "I want to just give up" feelings?


Preparing to compete is hard, and I'm just as lazy as anyone else. Absolutely there are days I'd rather stay snuggled warm in my bed instead of heading out to the gym for an early morning workout... there's evenings when all I want to do is drive straight home and relax with a glass of wine and my family instead of driving back to the gym for more work. And the food... I really, really want food. :-)  I whine, I cry (especially during that stint when I wasn't seeing any progress... many tears with that). And I hurt. I'm sore, a lot. The glutamine helps take the edge off, but for instance, right now? My chest is so sore it hurts, really hurts to put on my seatbelt. It hurts to lift my purse to my shoulder.

Preparing to compete is also scary. I am beyond terrified. If I stop and think about it, I get sick to my stomach-gonna-hurl-scared. I am not a "stage" person. I'm a hide in the back-wings person. The mere thought of being on stage (clothed or in that tiny suit, doesn't matter), can paralyze me.

But this is what it takes to get to the next level. And there's a lot of positives in the process, too. I'm learning a deeper level of commitment and discipline. I'm learning I can be stronger. I'm watching my body change, when I thought I'd never see further change without surgery. I'm watching my body change because of my commitment and discipline. I'm growing and evolving. And I'm doing it in spite of my fear. And all of that... it feeds my desire to be more.

I'm still becoming "me". I haven't grown up yet. This journey to the stage is teaching me about myself. While I'm reaching for that goal, my focus is on the right now. I'm not allowing myself to worry about the next 20 steps... just the one that comes next. When the alarm goes off at 5am, the next step is to roll out of bed and get moving. When the workday is done, the next step is to drive back to the gym. When I arrive home, the next step is to feed my family (with food I've prepped on Sunday) and fuel myself. When the alarm goes off again the next morning... I just take that next step. Each moment, each meal, each workout... it's just one step.

I'm also trying to have fun with the diet... to experiment and try to find foods I can enjoy. Sure I could drink a shake like every other competitor out there, but it's a lot more fun to make it into ice cream! By going out of the box, I can enjoy the process more and I'm learning to be creative in the kitchen :-) That makes it fun.

Plus, my BFF is my coach! How cool is that? Someone to not only guide me in my journey, but who's been there themselves, and is truly, 100% beside me, for each and every step. That's empowering. So is the support I'm getting from my husband, kids and loved ones. Seeing their belief in me, helps me believe in myself. 

And your support... those of you who post comments and/or email me... I can't begin to tell you how much your words mean. There have been days when, honestly, it was one of those posts or emails that enabled me to take the necessary next step... times when that was exactly what I needed to get myself back on track or my head back in the game. I thank you. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you.

So... am I consistently strong? No. I'm consistently weak. But I don't let it stop me.


  1. I asked my trainer, are there ever days that she just "doesn't want to do it?" This is the fitness director for a gym, has clients, been doing this for 15 years and her answer? In capital letters "ABSOLUTELY", but she does it because that's her passion. I had a friend as me (my dream is to race in an Ironman triathlon) if I ever didn't want to do it and I said, "it's rare that when that alarm goes off at 5 am, I don't want to hit the snooze". It's hard but I do it. Thanks for sharing, it helps me know tomorrow when that alarm goes off, I'm not the only person training who wants to hit the snooze.

  2. I feel the same way. I have these terrible feelings that my body will not be ready for competition. You're so lucky that your BFF is your coach it is so wonderful to have people who are there supporting you.

    Sometimes I find it overwhelming as I am doing this alone in a city far from family but my trainer is great and so is my posing coach :)

    Happy that the comments help.... Let me tell you they are helping me too!