Thursday, June 23, 2011

Mommy Doesn't Share

Rules for Teenagers Living with a Figure Competitor Mom

1. If Mommy offers you a bite, accept it as the enormous, generous, loving sacrifice and gift that it is. Genuflect, if you like.

2. Do not assume that if Mommy offers you a bite, you're going to get a 2nd one. You won't. You might lose a limb (or your head) if you try.

3. If Mommy's plate is sitting on the table, and Mommy is in the kitchen, you do NOT have permission to swipe a slice of zucchini, a spear of asparagus, or anything else. SHE WILL KNOW.

4. The baggies of pre-cooked, pre-measured food that are labeled and in their own trays/bowls are off-limits. PERIOD.They are not handy treats for the dog, your friends, or any other living creature.

5. When Mommy's day has begun at 4:30, included 1 grueling weight workout, 1 laborious cardio workout, 8 hours of work, nowhere near enough food, 1 hour of drive time, plus errands, hauling kids to cheer, etc... Do NOT call and ask her if she will bring you home a candy bar.

6. If you call and ask her to bring you a candy bar, you WILL quietly and respectfully listen to the ensuing rant about how long it has been since she has had sugar, the dissertation on the chemical makeup of the candy bar, the tirade about the connection between poor health and junk food, and so on. And you will apologize for suggesting the candy bar. For entertaining the thought of the candy bar. For bringing that thought into the home of your figure-competitor-mom. You will. Trust me. Capitulate early and we can all walk away happy.

Just a few small directives to live by.


  1. HAHAH heart you are an amazing mom : )

    If someone asked me for a bite right now...I would bite them too :P

  2. I'm surprised that they would dare touch your food! You deserve every precious ounce :)

  3. Hilarious! But SO true! ;)

  4. So true....especially the candy bar rant!

  5. Lol lol lol..Hilarious!! They should know better - Kaii528