Thursday, June 30, 2011

Whimpers and Roars

Abs class last night rocked. Of course, all of Tab's classes rock :-)  I followed it up with 45 minutes of steady-state cardio on the elliptical. I cleaned up my sweaty self and headed to the bowling alley to cheer on my guys. The alley has a policy against outside food, but when they see me coming with my cooler, they just look away. Probably because I've been known to say, "When they sell food I can eat, I'll stop bringing my own."  Or maybe my biceps scare them. Lol.

clean eating dinner at the bowling alley for a figure competitor
So dinner was my usual Wednesday night fare... chicken breast, mustard, and raw peppers. Bowling went until 9pm, so we didn't get home until 9:15. I had made a deal with myself... I couldn't open my shoes (my competition shoes arrived yesterday at 3:30pm, but I wouldn't be home until after 9) until after I started my protein ice cream (which takes 20 min. in the cuisinart). So while the shoebox sat on my dining room table teasing me, I quickly threw together my ingredients in the magic bullet, then got the ice cream maker going. I washed my hands and eagerly approached the box. I was so excited!! Tab had told me to bring them with me in the morning so we could start posing practice with them (it's definitely time for that!).

Here we go!
Rip goes the tape.
Pop goes the top.
"sniffle, sniffle" goes Chelle.

They were the wrong shoes.

Then I thought, well, these are pretty, maybe they can work... nope. Wrong size.
At this point I was reminded again of my emotional roller coaster. The mood swings are vicious, I'm tellin' ya! It's crazy! Increase activity/intensity, decrease food, delete treats and you've got a woman who's going to meltdown at the least provocation. It's really silly, but there ya have it.

I ate my ice cream and went to bed.

This morning, the alarm clock went off and I was up and aiming for the coffee pot. My 6:30 am workout was intense (more on that shortly), and then I had my post-workout Blueberry Protein Muffin and headed into work. I emailed Norma, the Suit Lady, and she emailed me back so fast I was stunned! She's taking care of it right now. How amazing is that customer service? I'm telling you, Norma is the QUEEN, and I'm so glad Tab sent me to her! We've all had horror stories about customer service, order problems and so on, but Norma just swoops in and fixes it - quick as a blink! Wow! Nicely Done,! :-)

So... this morning's workout.
Back & Biceps with some posing. Slowly but surely, I'll get that posing down. It seems like you should just be able to stand, pose and be done, but man... so very not that easy. Each muscle has to be tensed while holding an aesthetically pleasing pose... while breathing... for an extended length of time. And that was the easy part of my workout. Lol.

We started on the assisted pullup machine, went to standing cable-rows, then bicep curls. Since when do bicep curls burn on the 2nd rep? My head started screwing with me... what a wimp! seriously, you're this weak? you suck!  Oh shut up, I told myself!  I rested then started round 2, then onto round 3 and so on. At one point I was hearing this funny sound... I'm trying to get through these curls, my eyes are closed, I'm blowing out, I'm focused, and I keep hearing this sound... what is that? Is that a... a whimper? Where the heck is that coming from? OMG, it's coming from me! Am I whimpering??? WTH???

I consider myself pretty tough. I work hard. Really hard. I'm proud of the work I do in the gym - the intensity I bring to my workouts. My own husband won't workout with me because I'm too "hardcore". And now I'm whimpering during bicep curls? In short... yes.  And everything in me is screaming that this is NOT OK.

I know I've said it before, but really, this process  has me feeling weaker than I've ever felt in my life. I am not the same fat, out of shape woman who couldn't do 2 minutes on an elliptical 5 years ago, but every time I start a workout, I sure feel like I am - despite what I see in the mirror.

The mental game is brutal. I am so thankful for Tab! I talked to her this morning about this, and asked her how she handled it... her trainer/coach was a guy! Guy's don't get the tears or the fears or any of the girly aspects of this merry-go-round... I can't even imagine! Not only do I have a girl-coach, but she was my personal trainer who taught me how to take control and change my life - was with me every step of the way, cheering me on and teaching me. She is my best friend, and apart from my husband, knows me better than anyone else does (except my mom, cuz mom's always know more about you than you think, lol). Tab gets it. She knows what I'm going through, she knows what to expect. And she puts up with me and loves me anyway. Gotta respect that. When I asked her to be my coach 17 weeks ago, I really had no idea the emotional dump truck I was bringing to her door. Now that I've got a glimpse of what this road is like, not only am I grateful to her for sharing this journey with me, but I've gotta wonder what screws are loose in her head that she agreed - knowing what was coming.   :-)

So with Tab in my corner, my husband and family supporting me, and my determination to reach my goal and grow, I will accept the occasional whimper in the gym. I don't have to like it, but I will accept it as part of the process because while I might whimper now, when I'm done I'm going to ROAR!


  1. looking at those biceps, I'm pretty sure the guys at the bowling alley are afraid of them! Looking good, woman!!

  2. Awesome!!! - Kaii528

  3. A-may-zing!!!! For those of us staring down that road, yet to take the journey (and dreading it a bit) you remember the moment that it "clicked" for you? Right now, I am the person that wouldn't remember to make good food for the bowling alley, eat the bad food, and then undo two weeks of hard work while spiraling out of control. It's like I'm afraid of the full commitment?!!!!

  4. Thanks all!! :-)
    Amelia - absolutely! My "click" happened when I blew out my knee (the first time). I'd just begun to see results from my workouts (my food changes were very minimal at that time), when I tore a bunch of stuff in my knee. I was "grounded" and panicked that I'd never reach my goal without being able to exercise, but my amazing trainer told me, "THIS is when you focus on your diet." The lessons she'd been teaching me about eating clean took hold and launched a whole wave of successful weight loss!
    I made the good food, didn't eat the bad, because my goal was more important to me than my continued laziness. It is a fear of commitment, or it was in my case. It was also a fear of success, of how my life would change IF I reached my goal.
    After many, many baby-steps, the steps became patterns, the patterns became habits, and eventually I woke up one day with a whole new lifestyle :-) I love it!!