Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Confessions from the Spotlight...

I'm still "high" from Monday's amazing Go Daddy video & photo shoot. Crazy fun! But... I wanted to share a little bit about the other side of an experience like that... for me. Those of you who've followed me for awhile know two things about me:

  1.  I'm a happy person. If happiness was a lifestyle, I'd be the poster child for it. Seriously, I feel like every time I smile, my inner happy just beams right out - and I smile a lot.  ;-)
  2. I wasn't always happy.

I come from a very broken place. My journey from fat to fit forced me to deal with that brokenness as layer by layer, I peeled back to discover a little more about my true self. I didn't just lose 80 lbs and a gazillion dress sizes - I found myself. I opened up. I learned I was strong, I was determined, I was smart, I was driven, I was capable... and I was worthy. That last one was hardest. If you followed my journey, you know I struggled. Many of you have faced the same struggles, and your messages and comments have kept me moving forward more times than I can count.

I've always been the shy girl - and for years, I was the shy fat girl. I'm the one on the sidelines cheering everyone else on. I hold the camera to take the photo - I'm not in the photo. But that's not who I wanted to be... that's not who I felt I really was inside. Because of that, I set out to continue my journey - past reaching goal weight - to transforming my whole self. If you've been following me since the old site ( then you might remember a few of the crazy out-of-my-comfort-zone things I've done...

Remember the burlesque class and performance that nearly killed me? (emotionally, yes, but I also fell off the stage in rehearsal, lol). I've done photo shoots for magazine features (Women's Health, Oxygen, Scottsdale Health), I've done a 5k wearing a neon green wig, I've flown to Ohio all by myself to work at the Arnold Sports Festival as an Eat Clean Diet Ambassador, and then the biggie... I competed in Figure. That makes twice now I've been on a stage nearly naked, lol.

With each experience, each achievement, the shy girl fades a little more and I gain a bit more poise, more assurance and confidence. This year's Arnold even found me letting loose and dancing with Tosca in the booth (something I NEVER could have felt free enough to do even just a year before). This Go Daddy shoot is another amazing experience I couldn't have pulled off before - the terror of the cameras would have buried me.

I went through the day with trembling nerves and a whole lot of excitement. I've never experienced anything so thrilling before and it was awesome! But to have the focus on me... was hard. It was much easier for me to answer the question about how my clients inspire me, than it was to answer how I inspire them.

As much as I want to be outgoing and share my passion, my first instinct in a group setting - a knee jerk reaction - is always to hunch my shoulders and hide. It's something I'm consciously working on.

Thankfully, the amazing people I was working with knew how to draw me out, make me forget the cameras, make it feel like we were one-on-one, and laugh with me when I flubbed up (Stafford interview, Take 8, LOL!). I'm proud of how I did - I'm not a professional, and I'm not supposed to be -that's the whole point. I'm just one woman who turned a lifestyle change into a small business with a passion for helping others. So yeah - I'm proud. But I also recognize something else... there's a difference between nerves and fear - and a couple times what I was feeling was fear.

That's not ok.

There were moments during Monday's shoot when the terror of my inner shy fat girl gripped me. I deliberately turned it off and moved forward because I refuse to allow that little bitch to control me anymore, but damn if I couldn't still hear her!

Regardless, I didn't wilt under the spotlight, and I hope I let my light shine (there's my "happy" again, lol) - but... I heard that little voice a little too often, and I realize that it's time to shut her up again. Time to show my brave. Time to remove the dimmer on my shine.

It's time to grow again. 

So what crazy stunt am I going to pull this time to initiate growth? Lol! Suggestions??  What have you done that's helped set free the you inside? Post your suggestions and experiences below - or email if you don't want them 'public' ;-) But share!

As I was contemplating this post, I found a song - The video below is cute, but I wanted to share the message of the song... give it a listen if you've got a moment.


  1. I suggest ballroom dancing! Competitive ballroom dancing will get you out of your shell real quick! I can't recommend it highly enough.

  2. You've come such a long way!! Be proud and keep smiling! Tell the fear it's not welcome in your world anymore. You're a rock star!!

  3. Host your own tv show (or internet show)! I think you'd be great!