Monday, August 4, 2014

The Quirky Side of Competing...

Ok. There's definitely a quirky side to prepping for a figure competition, but guys... you might want to skip this post ;-) I think this one's for the ladies.

First... Shrinkage.
Ladies, if you've followed me for any great length of time, you know that I had some (ahem) work done. I have boobs. Well. You might also remember that I spent 5 years researching to choose my doctor - he wasn't the cheapest, let's just leave it at that. A couple weeks ago, I'd just stepped out of the shower and Bill gave me a funny look.
Me: "what?"
Bill: "Um. Are your boobs shrinking? I thought implants weren't supposed to shrink."
Me: "haha. They're not shrinking, just everything around them is."
Bill: "Oh."  Then he cocks his head at my chest and starts counting down in dollars, like what he paid is wasting away, and finishes with: "How much of my investment can I expect to lose before this is over?"
Asshole. Lol.

Second, associated with the First... Houston, we have separation.
When you train this hard, and lean out, you're going to get some pectoral definition. The first time around, that was pretty much all I had (remember my cup size was inverted, lol). This time, it's kinda like watching a NASA shuttle mission where the parts of the shuttle are separating off. Yeah. Cleavage takes effort these days.

Third... Shaving.
We've discussed this before... it is not any less traumatic this time around. There are simply parts of my body that should never be shaved. And a mother should never have to ask her daughters for guidance in this area. Still traumatized.

Fourth... Tilapia Shortages.
You might not think this could happen. However, Phoenix Metro is a hotbed of competitors, and the closer we get to any given show, the less tilapia is available in stores. Remember my sweet husband driving from store to store one night, trying to get me a measly pound and a half? As soon as that show is over, there's suddenly plenty of tilapia available... until about a week out from the next show. Quirky.
Fifth... hmmm, wondering if I should plead the 5th on this one, but many of you also see me on Pinterest so I might as well come clean. Food Porn. It's real, folks. I never eat donuts. Like seriously, ever. But I've probably pinned about 50 recipes for donuts. And don't get me started on cakes and muffins. It's odd, but things that just aren't part of my lifestyle are suddenly mental cravings. I've pinned more food porn than anything else recently. Oh, and I visit  daily.

Sixth... Detail Domination.
There are so many little details involved in competing. Now, I'm a detail person. I'm ridiculously organized (remember, I create a binder for every event and trip in my family, lol). But competing? Oh dear. I have crossed to the dark side. I have stacks here and there, boxes, folders, and lists. I have backup plans for my backup plans. I have those stacks separated into weeks to show, including day before, night before, day of, evening of, and day after. And yes, for those of you in the know - body spray, deodorant and body wipes are included in the evening-of stack. (once the tan goes on, you can't shower or get wet... no deo, no perfume, no nuthin'! Stanky!). People, my stacks have stacks. I think they have babies at night. Really!

And finally... Seventh... Misery, Mayhem, and Magnificence.
There is absolutely nothing like taking this journey. It's hard - beyond hard. You will drive your body and your mind (and your family) past any limits you thought existed. At various phases you will be too full, hungry, thirsty, exhausted, sore, and just plain done. But you will continue. And you will achieve what you set out for. All the misery, all the mayhem, lead to magnificence. And let's be honest, at times Maleficent. ;-) 

But seriously... this journey is incredible. My family is amazing. Bill and Shi have gone with me to nearly every local show this summer just to help me get a grip on the current competition and trends. They offer help and give daily support. My whole family is beside me. Kayla is incredible! She's made this fun and kept me healthy and strong. I look forward to each session with her. Her guidance, expertise, and trust have helped me every step of the way. And you guys... your words of support do so much to keep me going. Like I said, this is hard, but you all have been right here with me, and I'm so incredibly grateful!

This last weekend, Bill and Shi and I were talking about my goals post-competition. You'd think they'd be ready to be done with all this right? Bill pointed out that there's a big show in October. Over my birthday weekend. "Way to turn 44, right?" he said. I think he might be a little twisted, lol, but darnit, now it's in my head. I guess we'll see how the first and second shows go, then decide from there. See? Even my family's support is a little on the quirky side ;-)

Happy Monday!


  1. Shaving?? Perish the thought!! As long as you're going to the dark side with everything else, get a Brazilian and don't worry about shaving :)

    1. One word for you, Becky.... OUCH!!! Lol!! But really, if shaving, ahem, down there, is traumatic for me, wouldn't a Brazilian be even worse? I tremble to ask my daughters, hahahaha!!! It just sounds so scary!

  2. If you see more shows in your future, maybe invest in a little laser hair removal. It's one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself! Ask for gift certificates for your b-day and Christmas. Lighter skin (no tan) and darker hair works best. Something to consider….

    Love Bill's sense of humor!

    Are you still taking clients?…..or waiting for your show schedule to slow down?

    1. Hi Lori! Actually, I've thought about doing laser, but haven't had the courage to pursue it yet. Sounds so painful! Lol!
      Not taking new clients until after the show. I just can't give my full attention and it wouldn't be fair :-( But once the schedule is cleared, I'm back up! ;-) Woot!!!

  3. Shaving is uncomfortable, a brazilian sounds worse, laser would catch my attention. Lori may just be on to something there! Start with a small area first. If your recipe for the tilapia burgers weren't so awesome there may just more tilapia :) Regarding the food porn, look but don't touch, at least not until you are done. Then you will enjoy it, savour it and feel like crap after. Why? Why? Why? The, problem solved move on and compete again! I didn't realize you were doing two shows, you are a crazy woman!!! Go Chelle :)

  4. I've done both laser and Brazilian...and I'll take the Brazilian any day! Laser is sooo painful, even with the numbing cream (which you have to apply one hour ahead of time for it to have any real effect). Just my thoughts!

    1. I agree, Becky. It's not a comfortable procedure. I've used the EMLA cream beforehand to take the edge off. I worked in Dermatology for 5 years and I've had a LOT of laser done. I haven't shaved my armpits since 2010, bikini is almost completely gone…other than a tiny strip, and my legs have hardly any hair. I shave them maybe every few weeks just to catch the strays. The hair that does come in is finer and softer. Looking back, the pain was totally worth it to me for permanent hair removal. Now I'm basically done!