Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Are We There Yet?

Well, Shi is almost completely unpacked. We do have her TV on the dining room table still - keep forgetting to have Bill move it into her room. It's too heavy for her to lift, and while I certainly can, I don't want to take responsibility should a stray pup wander between my legs and it comes crashing down. Lol. She's ordered a bassinet for her room, since she and the baby will still be here for a couple weeks before Jared is out (finishes his military commitment in June). I've also got the cradle my Dad did when the kids were babies. :-) That'll go in the living room. So excited!

We've got a regular checkup on Friday morning for her, then after that Bill and I head out to Colorado for the weekend. So looking forward to it! Going to eat great food, soak in amazing hot springs, and drink wine by the fire. Ahhh! Are we there yet?

It's still a challenge to find family meals... While Bill and I are loving the meats we got from our Butcher Box order, Shi is continuing to find meat a challenge. We did upgrade to her being able to eat scrambled eggs again, though, so I'll take that as a victory. I've got her all stocked up for protein smoothies while we're out of town, so I can rest assured she's getting enough nutrients. Lol.

I'm continuing my workouts with Kayla. We try for 3x/week, but mostly we're hitting 2x. That's ok, for now. I'm also still trying to get my hormones 'fixed', so my energy is pretty low most days. Once we're on track with that, though, I'm looking forward to getting my drive back. So far, most of my numbers are improving and coming in line, there are only two that are a current concern... progesterone and prolactin. I'm zippo on the first, and crazy high on the second. Not a whole lot of fun. Doc is still considering kicking me onto a Keto diet if there's no improvement on my next blood panel. Hopefully I can avoid that. Crossing my fingers (and toes)!

Food, like I mentioned earlier, is great. Balanced, though per doctor's orders I've lowered my protein intake (which feels so weird after all these years!). More veggies. And more veggies. Lol. I'm cooking more, which is wonderful. With all the stress, we had fallen into ordering take-out. Thankfully, our area is full of great choices, even gluten free! Still, home cooked is best, and I'm glad to be back in action there.

Honesty - With everything we've gone through in the last couple years, all of my energy has gone to simply taking the next step, whatever it might be. Whether it's waiting for test results, or driving back and forth to California for another procedure, or grieving test results, or... it's truly been all consuming. At one point, I couldn't leave the house unless it was to drive to CA. Literally couldn't leave. If a task wasn't for Shi or for Bill, it didn't get done.  I ordered groceries delivered. Prime Now was my best friend. Part of me was terrified because of it, but the rest of me was just too buried under the fog of anxiety, depression, and fear.

Thankfully, I had great support at home (and a really fantastic online group of friends - I'm talkin' to you, EXPN!), and eventually managed to crawl out of that hermit hole. Social events are, to be honest, a serious challenge for me still. But I can go to the grocery store, run errands, and occasionally go to the mall - though that many people is... difficult. I hate to say it, but I dread the holiday shopping season. It's just hard to be surrounded by a lot of people. I don't like feeling this way - I don't like the anxiety, the random anger. It's not me. I'm a people person. I love crowds - the energy. I miss that joy. But... I know I'll get it back. Correction - I'm getting it back.

And in the meantime, I'll continue to plug along, enjoy the time with my family, plan for my daughter's family, cook, workout, (play gow, lol)... life goes on. I'll look forward to what's ahead... in the short term - simply being back in the kitchen, a getaway or two with my hubby, family holidays... in the long term, the birth of our grandbaby, family/friend weddings & events, and more. There's so much to be grateful for. I'm choosing to live in hope & joy - it's so much brighter out here than in my previous cave of doubt and fear.


  1. I used a cradle with my 3 boys, that my grandpa made when my mom was pregnant with me. I loved being able to use it!

  2. I've also got a hand made wooden cradle that my mother and aunt were in as babies- as well as several foster children, a few cousins, all my nieces and nephews and all 4 of my children. I think my grandmother told me that over the past 65 years almost 40 babies have laid thier sweet heads down I. It to sleep.
    I do hope the rest of your daughters pregnancy is uneventful and that the stress in your life fades a bit!
    Sending hugs!

    1. That's amazing, Melissa! 40! Absolutely beautiful!!
      Thank you! ❤️

  3. I'm so happy to hear that your daughter "Shi" is able to tolerate more food now and things for her are looking more brighter!! I know you posted about your hormones and how they are out of whack😢 What type of doctor are you seeing or that? I've wanted mine tested for years but never knew where to turn! I know from many years of experience unfortunately how it is when you struggle with depression & anxiety & not wanting to leave the house, I still struggle with this & at times I just feel like there is no hope in sight. I had to quit my job 4 years ago because of so much pain, depression & anxiety because after several years I just couldn't take it anymore. It has been a very long journey for me and my husband! People that you thought were your friends end up not really being their when it came down to it! But life has gone! I've seen numerous doctors but not one has ever suggested hormone testing which I think could help. Anyways, sorry rambling! Glad that you are finding your way and that you have loving and support system! Also that you and Bill plan "your" trips! Many blessings to you Chelle! Take care of YOU!!!!

    1. Jules, my heart is with you. It's a very real and painful battle. I'm seeing a naturopath. He's wonderful and very caring. He runs bloodwork every 4 weeks and makes adjustments to my dosages per those results. He listens to me - which as you know, is incredibly rare. I was on HRT (hormone replacement therapy) prior to seeing him but the results were just awful. He took me off those drugs and put me on bio identical hormones. While the relief is a process, I did notice immediate changes. I encourage you to find a reputable naturopath in your area. You deserve to be heard and treated properly. ❤️

  4. And EXPN loves our Chelle! We couldn't have it any other way. You have too much light, love, and wisdom to share with the world to keep your beautiful soul in the house. Share your awesomeness with everyone because you never know who's life you will change just from being you. I know you have mine :) XOXSILVERXOX

  5. I have been on bio identical hormones for 4 years. I like how they minimize hot flashes and take away the craziness of insomnia. Through it all though (I am 54) I have gained 17 lbs and been diagnosed with heightened anxiety. I question what the hell,has happened to me. It's like my "get up and go" "got up and went". I want to crawl in a hole and just be left alone. My clean eating is out the window, my gym is empty of music and fun. I feel and feel and feel.....
    Thank you for sharing Chelle. It helps me to know my struggles are not just mine. Bless you and your family.